Joshua Fawcett

As the proud owner of highly loose game, a severely substandard rig, and a konsumption problem so extreme that it has rendered possessing a rugby problem impossible, I believe I am the prime kandidate for social secretary of state. Firstly I must assuage any koncerns that my kommitted relationship should interfere with my game, indeed this is not the kase, as wednesday night Phineas antics with El. Pres. demonstrate. Secondly I should assuage any fear that a fraiche should recieve the same treatment as my wardrobe. This koncern has been rendered null by the stress ball provided me by my therapist and by a partnership with the man who has decked me over 100 times, Mr McNeil. I can assure you that I will make every effort to make everyone's experience of social life at the club next year as enjoyable as Nelith the Elephant's week away with me, although I shall continue in the vain of my predecessor by assuring you that unlike Nelith's week away, this joué shall not be of the pill kind. An advantage I have over my opponents is severe attention difficulties resulting from a disease known at Attention Deficit Disorder, as a result I shall find myself planning socials in the most innapropriate of kircumstances, from office hours to family members' funerals, and not one social shall be a hastily boshed together trip to Phineas without a table booking. 

Yours, Lord of the Swamp, King of the Liver and Khief advisor to President Zelensky