Football Red Star: 4s Captain

I believe that I am the perfect nomination for the Red Star 4s captaincy. Not only am I a tactical mastermind, I also stand as an incredible motivator and leader - a mix of Guardiola and Deschamps as I've been told previously. After an extremely successful season with the 4s, including the battering of the 3s leading to our first league win (ignoring TeamUCL's antics), I promise to uphold the brilliance of TateBall, and retain our status as the only undefeated Red Star squad moving into next season. Off the pitch, visits to The Adam & Eve will be strongly encouraged ensuring team spirit and chemistry is thriving within the 4s. My greatest asset (other than my 2015 Neymar-esque LW performances) is my skills fostered through 10 years of living in the Bronx. I embody the traits of my local greats, such as the intelligence of Neil deGrasse Tyson, the physical resilience of Lil Tjay, and the manoeuvrability of Ice Spice. All of these make me the ideal fit to lead the 4s to success on the pitch. Thank you for reading my pitch, UTFRS.

Since the start of uni, I’ve been committed to the red star fours. From dodgy tackles, haram corner tactics even arteta can’t employ and a lot of shots, this team has been the highlight for me. I plan to continue these Haram tactics, as well as maintaining the fact the 4s are better than the 3s, and most importantly the £75 weekly spend on tequila at phineas before going to scala.

UTFRS x