Football Red Star: 2s Captain

I believe I am the ideal candidate for 2s captain because i possess the skill set to keep progressing this glorious institution forward. Firstly, as a man of tradition I will ensure our ancestors' ways will not be lost when their tenures end. This includes screaming at refs, diving and other forms of shithousery I have picked up from my predecessor. Another key thing  I've learnt from him is the importance of giving back to the team. While I can't match his generosity of sharing pints with fellow teammates, I will make up for this by introducing them to an establishment I hold very dear. Located in the quaint town of Hayes and Harlington, 'The Botwell Inn' has etched itself as a sacred place of worship for the 2s, and so I will ensure each member of our team completes their pilgrimage to this quintessential institution. Secondly, as your captain I will bring some tactical flexibility. Whilst it's true you shouldn't try and reinvent the wheel, I intend to bring minor tweaks to this almost flawless system (for the sake of Tony's arms). Finally, my dedication to Red Star is what truly sets me apart as the ideal candidate for this coveted role. Whether its attending socials or writing this in the midst of deadlines, I always put Red Star first and more importantly as a wiseman once said "Never pull out..." (of games).