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 Managing Challenging Conversations Responding to a Disclosure Signposting Know your role and practice self-care 

Managing Challenging Conversations

Difficult or challenging conversations can come up in a variety of situations, both during your studies and in your extra or co-curricular activities. Discussion, disagreement and debate are viewed by UCL as contributing to the personal and intellectual growth of our student community, and to a vibrant and stimulating campus environment. However, we also understand that managing a challenging conversation is not always straightforward.

  • Try to stay open minded and don’t take questions or comments personally.
  • Try to avoid getting into an argument but do be clear about your role and your boundaries when having the conversation.
  • You don’t need to have all the answers, it’s OK not to know everything.
  • Challenge the statement not the person – don’t make it personal if someone says something your disagree with.
  • If a situation becomes uncomfortable or unmanageable, seek support from others.

Responding to a Disclosure

If a student confides a sensitive or confidential issue to your, this is known as a ‘disclosure’.

We understand that making a disclosure can be very difficult and traumatic. The first response someone receives when making a disclosure can be crucial in determining the next steps, and helping an individual to access vital support services. We also know that receiving a disclosure can be upsetting, particularly if you may have experienced something similar yourself.

If you receive a disclosure of a sensitive or traumatic nature from another student, these are the key steps to take.

Make sure you are in a safe environment

If someone wants to talk to you, ensure you are in a space that is comfortable and safe for you both. This doesn’t always mean moving to a private space (although it can do), some people may feel safer staying in a public or open space. It is worth checking with the person where they would feel most comfortable, and make sure that you are safe in that space too.

If the person is in physical danger or in need of immediate medical attention, call the emergency services on 999.

If they have experienced a sexual assault and are considering reporting to the police, the Survivors Trust website gives advice about important immediate steps to take. The NHS also advises on places where survivors can get immediate help.

If you are on campus, UCL Security can be reached on 020 7679 2222 or 222 from any UCL phone if you need their support or assistance.

How you receive the disclosure
  • Are you in a safe and comfortable space?
  • Listen actively with empathy and kindness – pay attention, affirm you understand, keep your body language open.
  • Think about how you react, and be aware of your own non-verbal signals, such as facial expressions and body language.
  • If the reporting person has felt comfortable to make a disclosure to you, they view you as an approachable and safe person to talk to. Continue to make them feel safe by remaining calm, friendly, supportive and empathetic. If you feel comfortable, you can thank them for speaking to you and trusting you with their disclosure.
  • Respect their privacy and their decision about next steps, but don’t promise confidentiality. If a serious disclosure is made to you, where you believe the student or other individuals may be at risk of serious harm, you should notify the individual you may not be able to keep this confidential and may need to inform UCL and/or the Students’ Union for their safety or the safety of others.
  • Do not counsel them or give them advice. Your role is to signpost them to the relevant support services.
Use non-judgemental, supportive language
  • Ensure the individual feels supported and believed – this can show them they are not alone.
  • If the student is telling you about a physical or sexual assault, this can be quite a traumatic thing for them to say and for you to hear. Sharing a difficult experience is an act of trust – it is important to reassure the person they are not to blame for the situation, and offer non-judgemental support which doesn’t question their experience or perception.
  • Avoid asking ‘why’ - it is important that you don’t ask probing or detailed questions, or try to label what they have experienced.
  • Do not be dismissive and avoid interrupting.
  • Do not try to resolve the situation yourself, especially if it is a serious matter. If you are not sure, you can report the issue to the Students’ Union and a member of staff will be able to support you.
What language to use

When providing support, it is important to use the language and descriptors the individual speaking to you uses, rather than redefining their experience with your own words or phrases. The individual may view their experience differently than you do, but it’s important that they remain in control of the narrative around their experience.

The following lines may be helpful: 

  • ‘Thanks for sharing this experience with me…’ or ‘Thank you for trusting me with that information/ your experience’
  • ‘I can hear that this has made you feel (use their words)’
  • ‘I don’t have any special training in helping people with experiences like yours, but I can give you contact details for people who do…’
  • ‘Do you currently feel safe?’ 
Understanding the person’s needs and what they may want to do next
  • Let the individual know you recognise how difficult it may be for them to disclose something difficult or traumatic, and they may not be ready to seek support yet. There is no time limit on accessing support, either from UCL or from external services.
  • Assure them that they have options about what to do next – it is important that they know they are in control and can decide what they want to do next.

Signposting

There are also a number of external support organisations listed on our website that you can direct students to if they do not feel comfortable seeking support from UCL.

If the student has disclosed financial hardship or concerns about money, you can signpost them to the Students’ Union Financial Support information.

Know your role and practice self-care

The most important thing you can do is listen to the person and take their disclosure seriously.

If you are concerned for someone’s safety then you may help them to act, without forcing them to do so. Sometimes it may be enough to acknowledge that they have shared the experience with you.

It's often challenging to hear someone talk about a traumatic experience and it is important to acknowledge how you are feeling, practice self-care and seek support. You may have feelings about the incident or opinions about what the person should do – these are important to acknowledge for your own wellbeing. Even if someone has asked you not to share something, you can still seek support for your own mental health and wellbeing from the Students’ Union if you have received a disclosure. You won’t be asked to share any further personal details unless we believe you or another person is at risk of further harm.

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Last updated 1 month ago