Cheese Grater Magazine: President

I'm in love with a girl, and her name is The Cheese Grater...

Right lads I'll be entirely honest with you here, I got too excited by the concept of Cheese Grater merch and ordered myself a President hoodie. Did anyone make me do it? No. Unfortunately I am my own worst enemy.

But you don't want to make a liar out of me, do you?

I'll be a well good President. Trust me. I fucking love telling people what to do, and I love paperwork so much. I live and breathe the stuff. God. Being Northern and being Satire Editor are famously two very Presidential things. I am the real deal. 

As Humour and Satire Editor, and a member of this godforsaken publication for the past two years, I can promise you that The Cheese Grater is the longest running love affair of my life. The idea of leaving her makes me feel physically sick. I WON'T do it. 

I have no respect for any of the editorial team, ESPECIALLY not the Editors in Chief. This will be MY society, and no one will deviate from my strict presidential ideology. LONG LIVE THE NORTH!