Conservative Society: Editor of the Caerulean

Anti-catholic nutcase, cheese-gobbling fascist, pipe-smoking halfwit... I am embellished by many labels due to my drunken debates and tomfooleries. Yet, the infamy I hold most dear, although exaggerative, is that of 'Rupert Murdoch'. 

As the Chief Editor of Caerulean, I have done what every journalist should do, selling stories and impacting reality. As for selling stories, statistics show that I've done a bloody good job. The number of sessions has risen by 55%, Page views by 89%, session duration by 70% and total users by 33%, whiles our dreaded enemies of Strand Review are, quite literally, stranded.

As for impacting reality, my satirical article against LSE Conservatives' President's absence has been a catalyst for the creative destruction of their Society. This also brought 4000% rise in sessions and 9800% in pageviews. 

I have promised, and lo, I have delivered.

I promise again, to deliver even more next year.